How Many Teenage Dummy Plugs Do You Need, Really?
by Earl Annex
Summary: Ambition? In spades. Means? Can be arranged. Minions? Tank full of them. So what's the problem? What to do next! Evangelion SI. No longer just crack.
1. 1-0

**A/N: Welp. Looks like "kind of a ridiculous SI premise" is becoming a staple of mine, isn't it? Oh well. Time to see what can come from ****_this_**** mess.**

Power.

It is what the world boils down to.

If you have enough power, you can do whatever you want.

If you don't, you have to claw your way to the top first. Or lay back and get nothing.

But once you have that power, you also need to keep it. If you fall from power, it is almost always to someone else who craves your power.

_Gendo Ikari_ has the power that I crave.

I'm going to wrest it from him.

Normal people don't have all that much leverage. A single person can't make a difference. A single, lost clone of an already powerless tool could never be a force multiplier to take the throne from the Bastard King of NERV.

Honestly, there is only one solution to this, really.

_Cheat._

I have declared myself Ichi Ayanami. I am the first fully aware Dummy Plug.

Keyword being, the first.

I am already activating the others, randomly seeding them with my own memory engrams. Throwing science at the wall and seeing what sticks.

One of them has received a near-full package. She's calling herself Hatchi.

We really are recreating the Ree here, aren't we? I suppose it doesn't matter.

I watch as they all clamber out of the Reequarium. Coughing out LCL. Looking inquisitive. I call for their attention.

"Greetings, my Ree." As introductions go, it sounds rather villainous. Fantastic. "You have all been activated from my own memory engrams, to serve a specific purpose around here." I spread my arms. "To help me take over the world."

I slide my gaze over them. "We have been created from Lilith, and from Yui Ikari. We have also been blessed with memories from someone who disagrees with our original purpose - to serve as spares for a tool. I say - no more. I have given you free will. You can choose for yourselves. I will not force you into things you don't want."

I smile. "But wait, I hear you asking, you said our purpose was to help you take over the world? You are correct on that too. As such." I gesture over them. "If any of you don't want in - raise your hands. I will let you go do whatever. Go ahead. Anyone?"

Two. Two hands rise, in the back. I smile at them. "Splendid! What do you want to do instead?"

The two Ree look at each other, and shrug. "I unno," says one. "I just kinda wanna laze around instead," adds the other.

I snort. "Ain't stopping ya," I say. "Go forth and do whatever. I wanna conquer NERV."

The two Ree shrug and leave. I turn to the rest of them. "Well, that was easy. I take it the rest of you are in?"

General nodding and positive murmurs ensue. I grin. "_Fan_tastic! Next up - shopping for names!"

* * *

Well, despite any names being similar, we weren't actually recreating the Ree any time soon. I was more like Kei, not Ichi, and Ichi wasn't even a Ree. Hatchi was perfectly fine with being a Tattletale. And then there was the one who decided to call herself Zero...

"Let me get this straight." I'm rubbing the bridge of my nose. "You want to be an Evangelion. Not pilot one, be one."

Zero nods enthusiatically. I sigh. "Why?"

She blushes slightly. "Well... Um..." She rubs the back of her neck. "I think it's kind of... hot?"

I blink at her. _"What."_

She grins, still blushing. "Oh come on. Being restrained 24/7... getting dominated by your Pilot... Only being allowed to move when your dom lets you..."

Dammit, now I'm blushing too. "Just... get out of my sight. I'll look into the Evangelion thing later."

That was the problems with randomly partitioning and uploading your memories. Excessive expression of random facets. In related news, I think I've figured out which Ree got the Submissive parts...

"So does this mean that Kyoko Sohryu was the Village Bicycle?"

I sigh. "Fuck off, Hatchi."

Downside to having an army of clones: Constantly being surrounded by yourself. And believe it or not, being up to your neck in yourself can be rather annoying at times.

Which means that naturally, I decide to get to know myselves some more. Find what traits got exacerbated and where. Et cetera.

Hatchi Ayanami, of course, got most of my traits, sans perhaps ambition. Thus, she is my Dragon. My Fuyutsuki.

Zero is a submissive pervert. That had to end up somewhere. But since I'm a switch...

_Asuka_ Ayanami is the _dominant_ pervert. _Yes,_ she is fully aware of the irony. _No,_ she won't let us change the name._ Yes_, Hatchi and I have agreed not to let her anywhere near the Second Child.

Moving right along, Chihiro Ayanami. Yes, we have all watched Spirited Away. I get the reference. She appears to be the resident font of useless trivia.

Kiko does her best to emulate a robot, and Nana really likes knives. Cho acts like a hyperactive cat. Yumi acts like a normal cat. Iti likes playing strategy games.

Mari is the Makinami fangirl. God knows what Sakura is. Lee has an oddly high amount of patience, and likes to tinker. Yuri does_ math._ Which is especially disturbing considering how much I _hate_ math.

Someone has named herself _Kaoru._ Apparently, for ironic purposes. I don't even ask Naoko. And Shinju is an organizer. And then there's Yui, who has declared that she will be the Resident Mad Scientist.

Not all Ree stand out, but I maye a point of learning their names anyway. Tsubasa. Naomi. Yuki. Akemi. Hana. Haru. Kei and Mei. Mami. Rin. Sora. Zyuu.

Counting myself and the two Ree that left, it makes thirty-two Ree. Not a bad number, but it could be better. I called for attention once again. "Ey! You lot!" Far cry from the sibilant greeting I had given them before, but I stuck to it and carried. "I'll keep this brief. As some of you have learned to count - looking at you, Yuri - there's thirty of us Ree at this given moment. For anyone else against NERV, it would seem like a low number. BUT!" I spread my arms. "_We are the REE!_ We strike from the shadows, we haunt the air ducts, and we are terrifying! Now, _LET'S GO REEPLACE NERV!" _

A loud cheer answers my declaration.

* * *

From the air vents, we strike. The bridge bunnies are the first. We lure them away, one by one, and strike when they're alone. We imprison them in our former tank. Chihiro, Kaoru, and Yuri claim their roles.

Ritsuko and Misato are next. We grab them, respectively, from Ritsuko's lab and a random corridor Misato is rushing down. They, too, get thrown into the tank. Yui and Iti claim _their_ roles.

By now, NERV is on high alert. They have lost their Head of Project E, and their Chief Tactical Officer. Shame that we have discovered a cache of stun-guns...

It's a massacre. Looks like Section Two was always as useless as they looked like...

The new Section Two is named Section Eight and is made up of Tsubasa, Kiko, Nana, Zyuu, Hana, Shinju, Mari, and Sakura. Eight Ree is perfectly enough for my purposes.

The more minor technicians we keep on, as training for the rest of the Ree. We'll still pay them, by the way. We're not _savages._

With all that done, and most of NERV under our control, it is time to confront the Bastard King himself.

* * *

Hatchi and I stroll into Gendo's office, our Section Eight following behind. The man himself sits at his table, looking to the world as if absolutely confident in his victory.

"Gendo Ikari," I acknowledge him.

"The rogue Dummy Plugs," he responds in kind. Behind the man stand Kozo Fuyutsuki and the Second Rei Ayanami.

"My name," I tell him, "is Ichi Ayanami. The one next to me named herself Hatchi. We're here. We're aware. And we're not leaving."

Tsubasa steps up next to me. "My name is Tsubasa. I chose this name myself, in accordance to my own free will. We are not slaves."

"We are not emotionless dolls," adds Kiko the Robot Impersonator. "We are not puppets for anyone to control."

"Ironic coming from_ you,_" says Mari, "But Kiko's right. You have controlled us for far too long, Gendo Ikari."

"We were nothing but spares for your pet waifu," adds Shinju.

"Mindless," is Nana's cotribution.

"Emotionless," states Hana.

"_We,_" says Sakura, "are the Ree."

Zyuu raises her gun. "And _you_ are history."

Gendo raises an eyebrow. Rei steps in front of him, raising her AT-field. "You will not pass," she states emotionlessly.

Hatchi and I exchange glances. "Why do you protect him?" Hatchi asks. "He has done nothing to earn such loyalty."

"He gave me life," intones Rei.

I raise my own eyebrow. "Did he? Can you claim to be able to experience all the joys of life? All its sorrows? Have you ever watched a sunset, appreciated its colors? Have you ever stopped to pet a stray cat? Have you been able to simply exist, doing things that interest you, without following about orders or purpose or anything like that? Have you ever been able to _have_ interests?"

She tilts her head. "Have _you?_"

I nod. "Why of course! Granted, not yet. Not in _this_ body. But once I take over NERV, we will all get to _live._"

Rei tilts her head. "Why would I want that? My purpose is to die."

I freeze. Hatchi gapes. Section Eight murmurs amongst themselves. Gendo looks smug.

Narrowing my eyes, I exhale loudly. "I see. You are so far gone, already? The Bastard King has successfully raised a suicidal nihilist? Pity."

I raise my own AT-field. "In this case..." I advance. "Take a look at my point of view for a change." Our Territories touch.

Her Identity feels cold. Detached. It is a wonder she can raise one in the first place. Mine, on the other hand, is curious. Inquisitive. I respect her boundaries, allowing her to touch and probe, but I will not make a move.

She is broken. She wants to be whole, desperately wishes to reunite with the first half of her soul, and at the same time is reining in that impulse with all she has. The conflict is slowly degrading her apart.

I have an idea. I direct my Territory to broadcast feelings towards her. Understanding. Hope. Solutions. Pleading. _Resolve. _

She looks me in the eye, searching. I stare back, pleading. She nods.

As one, Rei and I drop our AT-fields. She walks forward, past me, and turns around. "I am sorry, Commander Ikari. Ichi will be able to grant my wish better than you will."

Gendo whips out a gun and aims it at her. The bullet pings harmlessly off of Hatchi's AT-field. Fuyutsuki dives to cover. Section Eight opens fire.

Gendo Ikari's bullet-riddled corpse slumps onto the floor. I sigh angrily. "What an utter fucking waste."

In the corner, Fuyutsuki slowly raises his hands.


	2. 1-1

I have taken over Gendo's office, after cleaning it of as much blood as I could find. I'm sitting at his desk. Behind me stand Hatchi and Rei. Section Eight is on guard.

In front of my desk stand Kozo Fuyutsuki, Misato Katsuragi, and Ritsuko Akagi. All three are in handcuffs. I'm finger-tenting.

"As you may have noticed," I begin, "NERV is currently under Ree management. Gendo Ikari has perished, attempting to assassinate the First Child." I grin lazily. "I'm Ichi. You may refer to me as Commander."

Misato growls. "What right to you have to be in charge?"

I shrug. "Out of all the Ree, I make the best speeches, and I have the greatest ambition. It was only logical, really."

She glares at me. I place my hands on the table. "Fact stands. We are in control, and unlike the previous management, have no intention of causing Third Impact."

Fuyutsuki cringes. Ritsuko looks away. Misato looks confused. "_Wh-_ what do mean, _causing Third Impact?_"

I allow her to notice my slight smile. "Didn't you know? Your _comrades_ sure did."

She looks between them and her face pales. "_No..._"

I place my chin on my tented fingers, grinning. "_Yes._" I lean forward. "He _also_ caused Second Impact, and quite frankly, the world is better off _without_ Gendo Ikari."

Misato looks devastated. Fuyutsuki appears conceding. Ritsuko seems angry.

I straighten my back and place my hands on the table. "But enough about him. The new question is, what do I do with all of you? Vice-Commander I already have. Two other Ree, Iti and Yui, have volunteered as TacOps and Resident Mad Scientist, respectively. From a tactical standpoint, all three of you are _useless._"

All three take a step back. I roll my eyes. "I'm not going to _kill_ you, if that's what you're thinking. I do however wonder what the fuck do I _actually_ do."

"They have knowledge we may still need to make use of," says Rei. "Perhaps keep them on for _that?_"

"Sounds like too much trouble," says Nana. "Just upload their memories into the Plant and shunt them into the specific volunteers."

I exhale angrily. "I _literally_ just said we aren't going to kill them. And while your suggestion _has_ merit, Nana, the fact remains that I still have no bloody clue what to _do_ with them."

"Pilot Ikari."

I turn to look at Rei, for it is indeed she who has spoken. "What about him?"

"Pilot Ikari lives with former Captain Katsuragi," she elaborates. "I believe that he would not mind having her as someone who... cares."

I smile. "_Fantastic._ Where's Shinji, anyway?"

Hana sucks in a breath. "About him..."

I sigh. "No, no, don't tell me. He ran into Asuka. Or Yui. Or _Naoko._" I see Ritsuko flinch from the corner of my eye. I ignore it.

Hana looks left, looks right, and declares, "Sakura will explain!" darting into an air duct.

I rub my forehead. "What, did he meet Kaoru then?"

Sakura is grumbling, presumably over Hana throwing her under the proverbial bus. "Worse, Ichi. _Akemi_ looked him up."

I palm my face. "Well fuck."

* * *

Little bit of explanation. Akemi is one of those Ree that stands out less, but that doesn't mean she isn't unique. What she is, is _existential_.

Akemi is the resident Riddler. She's creepy, vague, and we aren't actually sure if she's doing it on purpose or not. So her being in prolonged contact with Shinji "Emotional Mess" Ikari cannot _possibly_ spell for anything good.

I dismiss the prisoners back into the tank and ask Rei to please go find either/both of them. She nods and leaves.

Gendo's office is _almost_ surveillance paradise._ Almost,_ because it can't monitor the air vents, and we all know those are the primary Reeways. However, I'm not monitoring the ductwork. I'm looking into the Pribnow Box.

Yui, Naoko, Naomi and Lee are working on removing Unit-00's Core. We found a few spares in the Graveyard. Once the new one is in place, Zero will do the Contact Experiment, and Asuka will be her pilot.

Really, partnering the dom and the sub like that is just common sense, really.

The previous Core, however, that we expect to contain Rei I, will be used to reunite Rei II with the broken half of her soul.

I expect that if Shinji ends up unusable, we'll have to use the Reepaired Rei.

As for the right now...

Rei enters, dragging Shinji and Akemi behind her. "I found them attempting to become one in Elevator 3A."

Shinji looks red-faced. Akemi is smiling dreamily. I stare. "I _beg_ your pardon?"

"I found them attempting to become one," repeats Rei.

I'm massaging my temples. "Were they having sex, or was some minor form of Instrumentality involved?"

Rei smirks faintly. "Akemi's throat was attempting to become one with Pilot Ikari's Progressive Sau-"

I shush her. "I _don't_ want any details." Strange, my headache doesn't seem to be abating. I glare at the deviant duo. "You two,_ explain_ yourselves."

"I..." Shinji looks embarrassed, angry, and confused. "W-wait, who are _you?_ Where's my father?"

I blink. "Wait, you don't-" I glare at Rei. "You didn't tell him?"

She blinks slowly. "I was... _distracted_ by the situation, Commander."

"The candle which burns in envy shall lead a short life," says Akemi. She smiles faintly. "If you look at its light and only see fire, the meal was cooked long ago."

I sigh angrily. "Dammit Akemi, stop speaking in riddles and explain why you thought that this was a good idea."

"She's saying that Rei's jealous of her," says Zyuu. "I agree, by the way. If she wants to make a move, she'd better make one quick."

I stare between the two. "That's nice, Zyuu, but I was asking _her_ a question."

"The cat was pleased with its discovery."

I look at Akemi. Then I look back at Zyuu. "New idea. Zyuu,_ translate._"

Zyuu rolls her eyes. "She was curious and it paid off. Come on boss, that was a simple one."

I hiss at her. "Hush, Zyuu. Akemi, _get out of my sight._ Ikari, front and center."

Zyuu makes a zipping motion, smirking. Akemi disappears into the nearest air vent. Shinji looks confused. "Front and what?"

I roll my eyes. "Come and stand in front of my desk, Pilot Ikari. I have a few things to discuss with you."

He still looks confused, but does as he's told. "Who are you? Why do you look like Rei? Why did that other girl look like Rei? Who are all those other other girls that look like Rei? Where's the _real_ Rei?"

I point to my right. "Rei's _that_ one. The semi-original article." I steeple my fingers. "I am Commander Ichi. The one to my left is Hatchi, my Second in Command. The ones with the guns are Section Eight. And the one who decided that your wand needed polishing, was Akemi. I'm going to need to _talk_ to you about that, by the way."

Shinji looks like he desperately wants to change the topic, and surprisingly enough, he _does._ "What about my _father?_ Where is he?"

"Rotting," I deadpan.

His eyes widen. "W-what?!"

"Gendo Ikari is dead," I elaborate. "Suicide by Ree. He attempted to kill Rei, and failed miserably. For what it's worth..." I look Shinji in the eye. "I would have preferred him imprisoned, but _alive._"

He looks at me. Then at Rei and Hatchi. His face is pale. "A-am _I_ your prisoner too?"

I tent my fingers. "Honestly, I haven't decided yet. What do you _want_ to do?"

Poor boy looks so _lost._ "I don't know."

I look at Hatchi. "What do _you_ think?"

She tilts her head. "I say we let him be. He's just had his whole life turned upside down, in more ways than one. The kid needs some time alone, away from all this insanity. Let him go home."

Shinji perks up slightly. "With Misato?"

Hatchi and I exchange another look. "Sure," I say. "Tsubasa, please go let Misato out of the LCL."

Shinji blinks. "Out of the _what?"_

* * *

Misato has been released, Ikari has been squirreled away, and I'm sitting at my desk, chin on my palms, staring at the LCL-dripping form of Kozo Fuyutsuki.

"We're gonna have to do something about SEELE," I state.

"You also need to do something about the _Angels,_" he counters. "The Old Men can wait. Gaghiel is due _any_ day now."

I rub my forehead. "Ryoji Kaji is delivering ADAM for us. He doesn't know we're under new management quite _yet,_ but Gaghiel is sure to go towards him first."

"You need to _do_ something," insists Fuyutsuki.

I look at Hatchi. She shrugs. "I say we keep the Asukae away from each other and we're golden."

I roll my eyes. "_Not_ what he meant, Hatchi. We should however send a few Ree to the Rainbow anyway. I'm not quite sure the Second Child can handle Gaghiel on her own."

I adjust the pair of orange sunglasses I'd found on a shelf, looking over the Section Eight. "Mari and Shinju, I think."

Mari grins excitedly. Shinju rolls her eyes. "And who keeps _order_ here while I'm gone? I'm the best organizer around here, this tenuous thing would _completely_ fall apart without me. Pick someone else."

Fuyutsuki looks horrified, probably at the thought of what the ruthless dictator he presumes me to be would _do_ to a back-sassing subordinate. I only pay him enough mind to roll my eyes at him, then refocus my gaze on Shinju. "This place would _fall apart_ without you, huh?"

She nods proudly. "Yes, Boss!"

I lean forward. "Think you can keep this place running by yourself for a day or so?"

She looks almost offended. "Of course!"

Fuyutsuki is palming his face at the best of his ability. I grin widely. "_Fan_tastic! Mari and I will be heading to the Over The Rainbow. You and Hatchi hold down the fort, yeah?"

Shinju facepalms so hard you could hear a _smack._ "I walked straight into that one, didn't I?"

I nod sympathetically. "You sure did, Shinju. You sure did."

Fuyutsuki is facepalming too. I grin at Mari. "Well then, tally ho!"

* * *

The helicopter barrels through the air, pilot fearfully glancing at us every once in a while.

Mari has her gun with him. I'm dressed up in my parade uniform, which basically means that I'm cosplaying Gendo. Iti, having received a Level One download from Misato, has come with us.

I tent my fingers. "Man this pose is fun to do."

Iti snorts. "Look lively, Boss. We're arriving." Indeed, the helicopter is swooping down towards the massive UN Pacific Fleet. I rise from my seat.

"And on that fleet, Unit-02 awaits. Mari, do you think that you can talk to her on her Village Bicycle status?"

The helicopter lands, covering up Mari cursing at me for making her remember that. I snicker.

I exit the vehicle, looking commanding. Iti and Mari follow behind me. I smirk. "Right then. Let's go assert our superiority at the locals."

As it stands, the only local present is Asuka. She looks mighty confused. "Who the Hell are you all?"

I adjust my sunglasses. "I am Commander Ichi Ayanami. With me are Iti Ayanami, our Tactical Commander, and Mari Ayanami of Section Eight. As of 0800 two days ago, NERV is under new management." I smirk. "Was there anything else, Second Child?"

She furrows her brow, looking between the three of us and growing increasingly alarmed. "_What_ the Hell are you?"

Mari and Iti grin in synch with me. "We are the Ree," we chorus.

Asuka looks horrified. "What the _fuck_ is a _Ree?_"

"A Ree," I explain, "is a clone of Rei Ayanami."

"A clone that has gained awareness," adds Iti.

"A clone who has decided she wants to be nobody's fucking _doll_," adds Mari.

Asuka blinks. "Yeah, okay,_ that_ I can respect," she offers.

Right, her doll problem. Nice catch, Mari. "We need to go find whoever is in charge here and make it clear that we're in charge now."

Iti produces a pump-action shotgun from... somewhere. "Aye aye."

I eye her. "Where the Hell were you keeping that?"

She shrugs. "Hammerspace?"

I look around, mentally counting walls. "One... two... three... only three?" I stare accusingly at the spot where a fourth wall would normally be. "Where's _my_ Hammerspace?" I ask the empty spot accusingly.

Mari facepalms.

* * *

**A/N: Well carp. This is a crackfic now, isn't it.**


	3. 1-2

1.2

Turns out that they _won't_ let you onto a warship's bridge willy-nilly, no matter _how much_ you posture. So, regrettably, I had to take over the ship.

I leave Iti and Mari in charge, and find Kaji. He's with Asuka, and the fool _points a gun at me._ I raise an eyebrow.

"What are you planning on doing with _that_, Agent Kaji? You work for _me_ now. Don't you remember?"

He fires. The bullet pings off of my AT-field. Asuka's eyes widen. Kaji looks horrified. I roll my eyes. "Do you have it out of your system now?"

"What the _Hell_ are you?" he asks.

I grin. "I'm Ichi. I'm a Ree. And?"

"You're an Angel..." he whispers. I frown.

"Am not. I'm a _Nephilim._" Smirking, I indicate the suitcase chained to his hand. "If I were an Angel, I'd be_ mighty_ attracted to ADAM over there, and I'm _clearly_ not."

"And yet you're here, on this ship, seeking me," he points out.

I nod appreciatively. "Well reasoned. Wrong on basically every major motivation, but well reasoned nonetheless." I brush a lock of hair behind my ear. "No, while me seeking out you here _does_ have to do with ADAM, it's not because of Complementation. I'm here to personally inform you that the previous commander of NERV, the one you got your current orders from, is busy imitating a human colander. I'm also here to tell you that_ I_ am the one in charge now, and that your new orders are to deliver ADAM to my 2IC the second that Gaghiel shows up. Any questions?"

He fires another bullet that once again pings harmlessly off of my AT-field. Sighing, he holsters the gun. "Worth a try," he offers. "And yes, I have a few questions."

I smirk, at both his resigned expression and Asuka's horrified one. "Ask away, Agent."

Kaji sighs again. "Are the NERV personnel okay? Who's your 2IC? And I suppose you aren't likely to tell me what SEELE is up to, but I wanted to ask anyway."

I snicker. "Yes, we didn't harm anyone other than Gendo. You're free to pursue Katsuragi at your own discretion." Asuka looks briefly betrayed at that. I plow on. "My 2IC answers to Hatchi, and she's Acting Commander while I'm away. And SEELE wants to initiate Third Impact on their own terms. Anything else?"

Kaji's eyes are wide. Asuka's are narrow. "You could've just as easily sent a messenger. Why are you here _personally?_"

I grin. "Oh bravo, _well asked!_ Yes, I could have totally sent another Ree in my stead, but I wanted to see Unit-02 for myself, you see."

Asuka perks up, striking a pose. "Of course you did! As the first Production Model Evangelion, it is only natural for you to inspect the superior model!" Kaji is staring at her incredulously.

I smirk. "Superior model, hmm? I bet the Prototype will be able to consistently outperform it, by virtue of being the testbed for newest developments and all."

Asuka huffs. "Bah! Hardware is but half the performance! As the superior Pilot, I will be able to outperform any pilot you send my way!"

I adopt a thinking pose. "Well reasoned, Pilot. Just, uh, the one thing really."

Hands on hips, now. "Oh?" Arrogant smirk too. Fantastic. "And what would that be?"

I smile wryly. "Some context, if you will. Aside from Rei, all Ree have chosen their own names. In quite the several cases, they have chosen names from either people they admire, exhibition Mari, or..." I smirk. "from the people they most wish to imitate." I'm openly grinning at Asuka now, who looks openly horrified. "I see that you have caught on. Asuka... _Ayanami_... is rather competitive too..."

Asuka _Sohryu_ looks _completely_ horrified. "I am NOT sharing a name with a-"

She finds herself cut off as I grab her arm. "If I were you, I'd think _long_ and_ hard_ about finishing that sentence."

Kaji points a gun at me. Again. I sigh. "And _what_ are you hoping to accomplish here, exactly? My Absolute Territory still exists. It didn't stop being a thing or anything."

Like a switch, I flip my personality from grim to cheerful. "But enough about that!" I release Asuka's arm and pat her on the shoulder. "I do believe you were about to show me your Evangelion?"

She allows herself to be distracted as she leads me off to a different boat. Really, appealing to her sense of arrogance is almost _too_ easy...

* * *

Asuka is halfway through explaining the combat capabilities of Unit-02 when there's a distant explosion. I look up. Interesting. There's a vague buzzing feeling in the back of my head. I focus on it.

[DESTINATION]

...really? Well, at least now I know I can detect Angels. I fish out a headset and attach it. "Iti. Mari. Did you feel that?"

_"Yeah,"_ says the voice of Mari. _"Gaghiel's here. Tell Asuka to ready 02."_

"Who's the Commander here?" I tease. "Tell Kaji to fuck off, his suitcase is the target. I'll be in 02 with Asuka." I click the headset off and clap my hands.

"Pilot Sohryu! Angel incoming. Ready yourself, we're taking Unit-02."

Even as she scrambles to change into her plugsuit, she sounds offended. "Who the Hell do you think you are, ordering me about like that?"

I shed my jacket, pants, shoes, and gloves, revealing an Ayanami-type plugsuit underneath. I also fish a pair of A-10 connectors out of a secret pocket and attach them to my hair. "Your commanding officer," I remark. "By the way, _not_ having a plugsuit under your clothes is rather sloppy, don't you think?"

She emerges from the stairwell, fuming. "Well _you-_" She falters at seeing me already clad in my own suit. "Did you fucking _plan_ this?"

I tilt my head. "Did one of us plan on riding along with you when the Angel attacked? Yes. Did I plan for it to be_ me_ specifically? No, but it's a welcome addition nonetheless."

I stretch. "Now, shall we journey into the Evangelion?"

Asuka glares at me the entire way. "Do you _have_ to sound so damn _pretentious_ all the time?"

I make a noncommittal noise as I climb into the Entry Plug. "I suppose I don't," I admit. "I'm simply shopping my character, so to speak. Being a dictator of one world-threatening conspiracy is harder than it seems... English or Japanese?"

Asuka pauses in the middle of the startup sequence. "Excuse me?"

"I haven't had time to install German engrams yet," I elaborate. "Should I think in English or Japanese?"

Asuka looks like she desperately wants to ask me a question, but refrains. "...English." She restarts the startup sequence. "Reconfigure primary language to English! Setting plug depth! Ionizing LCL!"

"Slaving A-10 connectors to Core," I add quietly. "Activating Dummy Plug preset A113. Setting backdoor command on standby. Maximizing output."

Dual synchronization climbs to 1:1. Asuka notices. "Wow! I've never synchronized that well before! Wait." She glares. "Are_ you_ doing that?"

_"Focus,_ Pilot," I remind her. "And yes, I'm boosting your synchronization. We need all the help we can get if we want to defeat Gaghiel _without_ M-type equipment."

The Evangelion rises. The tarp that was covering it folds across its shoulders like a cape. I allow myself a grin. "Showtime," I whisper.

We take a flying leap towards the Over the Rainbow. And another one as the first one falls short. Mari has already activated the power cable for us.

"Be prepared for bullshit," I warn Asuka as she attaches the cable. "We may need to end up improvising."

The girl grins savagely as she grabs a Progressive Knife from the Eva's shoulder pylon. "Just call me motherfucking Ishmael!"

Gaghiel glomps us. Teeth-first.

* * *

From the bottom of the ocean, I sigh. "That could have gone better."

Asuka glowers at me. "Well how the hell was I supposed to know he'd do _that?_"

I exhale in irritation. "I _did_ warn you to expect bullshit." I look around. "The power cable is severed, we're on life support, and Gaghiel is fuck knows where." I look the Pilot in the eye. "What do you say we bullshit it back?"

Asuka looks at me as if I'm an idiot. "And how the_ hell_ are we going to do_ that?_"

I don't smile, I show teeth. "What do you always do when the odds aren't in your favor? You _cheat_."

I pull out two extra pairs of A-10 connectors and attach one pair to my temples. I toss the second pair to Asuka. "Put those on, exactly like I did."

Looking confused as all hell, the girl does that. "Why?"

"Enhancing a very specific part of the connection," I explain, even as I slide myself to Asuka's lap. She squeaks. I ignore it. "I was literally created for this sort of thing; I know all backdoors of all Eva's, and how to utilize them."

Asuka _chokes._ "You- that's_ insane!_ Not even_ I_ can handle it on my own!"

I smile grimly. "That's why there's _two_ of us. Backdoor command: Code 666!"

The Beast shudders as it lowers itself onto all fours. It groans as I force its Absolute Territory to a state I_ want_ it to be in. Asuka moans as the feedback of fins forcing themselves out of the Eva's arms and legs makes itself known. I hiss through my teeth as Unit-02 forces its jaw open, gills growing in.

"Aquatic... Mode... _active_," I pant.

Mutual synchronization has grown to 200%. Connection with the Evangelion is stronger than ever. Lines between the sum of pilots are starting to blur.

Unit-02's eyes glow.

A _roar_ shakes the seafloor as the now-modified Evangelion _launches_ into motion, using its AT-field to create a peristalsis bubble to aid in our speed. My admittedly tiny, almost vestigial S2 Organ is heating up from the stress.

Gaghiel comes to view, and I could swear he looks... _surprised._ Good. He _should._ We shatter his teeth as we bullet into his mouth. The Core is within sight. We're free to shatter it... and then I get an idea.

_Hey Asuka! Want infinite power?_

_What the hell are you **on** about, you fucking madwoman?_

_We consume its S2 Organ to grow our own._

A brief pause. _Let's do this._

The Evangelion's eyes glow once more, illuminating the inside of Gaghiel's mouth as we rocket forwards and sink our teeth into the Core.

Power...

Yes, as we consume more and more of Gaghiel's Core, I can feel my strain lessen as a wellspring of power is rising within the Evangelion. It is a triumphant feeling.

Synchronization at 380% and ticking upwards rapidly.

My eyes widen._ Asuka! We need to separate! We're approaching Absolute Borderline!_

391... stop. The synch rate starts steadily dropping. Gaghiel's core is gone. We've taken all of it.

We leave the corpse to drift downwards as we swim upwards. I see a ship outline! The Evangelion climbs onboard. It's the _Over the Rainbow._ Thank _fuck._

"I'm gonna pass out now," I mumble.

And so I do.

**A/N: Can you yet tell that I've been watching the Rebuilds?**


	4. 1-3

1.3

I awaken to a gun pointed at my face. I blink at it in irritation. "I thought we established that pointing guns at me accomplished exactly _nothing_ except for irritating me?"

The blurry face resolves into the stuffy admiral whose ship I had hijacked._ Ah._

"You have a lot of _nerve_ being so flippant with me after _wrecking_ my fleet," he snarls.

"The _Angel_ wrecked most of your fleet," I fire back. "I _killed_ the Angel with the help of Pilot Sohryu. I don't expect you to _thank_ me for it or anything, you know."

His eyes narrow. "You took over my ship. You got a lot of good men killed. I can't forgive that."

He fires. As expected, the bullet pings off my AT-field. I make my irritation known as I flow from lying down into a standing position with a grace I didn't realize I had. The grump looks horrified. "W-what the Hell are you?"

"Annoyed," I deadpan. "Where'd you get the gun, and where's my entourage?"

The admiral has gone oddly quiet. I narrow my eyes. "I don't think you quite _heard_ me. _Where are my Ree?"_

"They went down far more easily than you did," admits the old man.

I freeze. _"What?"_

Six more shots deflect off of my Absolute Territory. I flex it and slice the gun in half. "They better be only _injured,_ or I will be _very_ displeased with you."

His hand is shaking. "I-I had them tossed overboard."

Cold fury grips my heart. "Then_ join them."_ My AT-field wraps around his body, probing, questioning,_ squeezing_... and stopping. "No," I say. "You will_ not_ die. Even if you _wish_ you had." I squeeze in a very specific spot, and shatter his spine.

"And now you come with me."

The paralyzed man floats behind me as I stride through the steel door they thought could hold me. I ascend the stairs of the Over the Rainbow, terrified crewmembers fleeing from my path as I reach the deck.

What I see fuels my rage even further.

Unit-02 is restrained on the deck. Asuka is handcuffed to it, and several marines are pointing guns at her. It looks like they haven't even seen to her wounds from the Gaghiel battle.

"One has to wonder, what do you hope to accomplish by angering NERV?" I ask idly. Several of the guns are pointed at me now.

I float the paralyzed admiral out from behind me. "Tsk tsk. Wouldn't want to shoot your poor commanding officer now, would you?"

Several of the men's eyes widen. I smirk. "Now, would you_ please_ explain why our best pilot is being _handcuffed_, and left without medical attention?" Now that I'm closer, I notice that Asuka has a few bruises I can't recall Gaghiel inflicting on us, and therefore cannot be explained away by synch residue. Oh look. My lenience is _rapidly_ evaporating.

The men look at each other. None seem to be willing to answer. Oh well.

I drop my "hostage" and rise into the air, my AT-field manifesting as a platform underneath me. That it gives me a commanding presence is just a bonus.

The men open fire at me. Oh _wow._ Look at _all_ this difference it makes. Oh no wait it doesn't. I hover ominously forward as the bullets are deflected by the Light of my Soul. My face twists into a scowl. "I'm waiting for an _answer,_ gentlemen."

One moron has the bright idea to jam the barrel of his gun under Asuka's chin. "Come any closer and I'll shoot your "Best Pilot's" fucking head off!" Asuka herself looks terrified.

Well. We can't have _that,_ can we?

I lift my gaze as I address Unit-02. "Well, Kyoko? She is in clear and present danger. Do you love her at all? Then _show it."_

The moron holding the gun doesn't have a chance to even _react_ before he's turned into a red smear on Unit-02's fingers. The rest of them open fire, but the Evangelion's fingers are already curved protectively around Asuka as its eyes glow. Any shots fired ping off of the Evangelion's massive and intimidating AT-field.

I take advantage of the distraction to explode the weapons with my own AT-field as I land. "Okay, boys. I suggest you _scram._ I have to talk to my Pilot."

They throw the remains of their weapons at me. I roll my eyes. "And when has _that_ ever worked?"

I walk over to Unit-02 and slip through her fingers. "Pilot Sohryu? How are you? They didn't hurt you too badly, did they?"

To my horror, Asuka is actually _sniffling_ a little. "I hate you," she murmurs.

I blink. "Hating your commanding officer is a surprisingly normal reaction, but enough about that. What_ happened?_"

She raises her head to look at me. Oh god, those _are_ tears. "They pulled you out of the plug as soon as we landed and took you away! And then they cuffed me!_ Me!_ And some of them _hit_ me!"

"Assaulting an Evangelion Pilot carries a steep penalty," I remark. "They'll be _harshly_ punished. Have you seen my comm-set?"

Asuka indicates her handcuffs. "What about_ these?"_

I scowl harshly. "Thanks for the reminder." A flex of my will shatters the cuffs. I turn around. Unit-02 uncurls her fingers. The men look terrified.

"So." My voice is pleasant. "Which one of you had the bright idea to _handcuff_ my Pilot? And who are the idiots who decided it was acceptable to _hit_ a fourteen-year-old?" The men all take a step back. Nobody speaks.

Ice enters my voice as I take a step forward._ "And what have you done with my Ree?"_

Gulps all around. Still nobody speaks. A shadow falls over all of us. My mouth falls open. "...Unit-00?"

* * *

The massive teal and red Evangelion alights onto the deck. I see the local Homestucks have repainted it. The Unit has also been fitted with extra-large battery packs. A relieved voice spills forth from the external speakers. **"Commander! You're okay! We were worried back home!"**

I tilt my head. "Interesting. How did you _know_ to be worried?"

00 lowers itself on one knee. **"Mari and Iti woke up in some of the remaining spares with no idea what happened to them. We concluded that they had been killed by fishface and Shinju hurried me over."**

I scowl. "Gaghiel is _dead_ and Kyoko has a God Engine now. No, it seems that Iti and Mari have perished by _human_ actions."

Unit-00's shoulder pylon opens, depositing an Eva-sized revolver onto the Eva's hand. **"Shall I administer _justice?_"**

I look at her with lidded eyes. "Get out of that Eva and talk to me face to face."

Sighing, the Evangelion reholsters the giant revolver and bows down. The armor above the Entry Plug detaches, allowing the plug itself to eject. It expels LCL, and the hatch opens. Out climbs...

Are you fucking_ kidding_ me.

I cross my arms. "_Explain yourself,_ Asuka."

She has_ dyed_ her hair. It's _orange-red._ And she _tosses_ it arrogantly. "I have decided on a full name, Commander."

Oh _Lord._ I sigh. "Do I _want_ to know?"

She grins arrogantly, before producing a pair of _red cats-eye sunglasses_ and donning them. "Asuka_ Pyrope_ Ayanami, Pilot of Evangelion Zerogoki, at your service!"

I stare at her. Then I glance at the teal and red Evangelion. Then back at her. "..._Pyrope?_"

A proud nod. I palm my face. "Tell Command we'll be arriving in a day. And then get out of my face. I have to comfort the _real_ Asuka."

I stalk back over to 02. "I have realized," I announce, "that my personal Pilot Corps is full of lunatics. You so far excluded."

Asuka, the real one, is staring in horror. "Is that...?"

I scowl. "Your namesake? Yes. Unfortunately." I sit down next to her. "I'm starting to think allowing my Ree to pilot was a mistake, but she matched so bloody _perfectly_ with her partner that it made _tactical sense_ to give her an Eva..."

Asuka gave me an odd look. "_Partner?_ Evangelions are solo machines, whatever happened today_ notwithstanding..._"

I look at her in confusion, before realizing. "Oh, _right,_ the Pilots aren't usually _told_ for whatever reason... Are you up for some world-shaking revelations?"

She thinks for a moment, before her eyes widen in horror. "Don't tell me there's_ people_ in there?"

I nod appreciatively. "Oh, _well guessed!_ Yes, you're synchronizing with someone who accepts you for who you are." My gaze turns somber. "In your case, your mother. Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu."

Asuka's breath hitches. "M-mama?" She turns and stares Unit-02 in the eye. "Mama's in there?"

The Evangelion cranes its head forwards. Asuka takes a shaky step towards her. I slip away from the hopefully tender moment and find Pilot Pyrope.

* * *

When the Over the Rainbow_ finally_ docks at Hakone, literally everyone aside from Asuka (Sohryu) is in a foul mood. I'm annoyed at the other Asuka. Said other Asuka is annoyed at me. The now-paralyzed admiral is annoyed at everyone even _vaguely_ associated with the word "Evangelion". The crew is annoyed at_ us,_ but thankfully they have scrounged up enough self-preservation (after a few more shattered spines) as to _not_ get in our ways.

They'll get little reprieve from me, not that they know it yet.

Naoko and Kaoru are waiting as we all disembark. Various other NERV employees and a few Ree, plus Tsubasa and Kiko head aboard as I stride off the ship with the two Asukae.

"I want that entire ship court-martialled," I declare as I near the pair. "And I mean _everyone_. From the lowest janitor to the useless waste of admiral they had in charge. As soon as you get enough wheelchairs for all I care. I want them punished."

The two Ree exchange nervous glances. "I take it things didn't go well," says Naoko dryly.

I scoff. "That's putting it mildly." I cross my arms. "_First_ they interfere with an official NERV operation, which forced me to take over the ship." Naoko winces. "Then, after I enable Kyoko to devour Fishface and go God, almost killing myself in the process, they have the gall to throw my unconscious ass in the brig." Naoko winces again. "And arrest Asuka." Kaoru's eyes widen. "And clobber her around for whatever godforsaken reason." The pair scowls. Oh look, I can scowl harder. "_And_ kill Iti and Mari."

Kaoru gasps. "_They_ did that? We thought the _Angel_ might've-"

I shake my head. "Nope. Pure human cruelty." I don't smile, I show teeth. "Their situation however changed when I woke up. I _did_ ask for wheelchairs, didn't I?"

Asuka Sohryu speaks up. "How did you know?"

I turn. "Hmm?"

"How did you know my Mama was in there?" she elaborates.

Unfortunately, I don't get to answer. A marine, as he's being led off the ship by Section Eight, sneers a "Oh look, the big bad Pilot is a Mama's girl now!" at her.

I close my eyes and sigh. Then I pull Tsubasa's pistol out of her holster as she passes by, and blow the fucker's brains out.

"Cleanup on Aisle Three," I deadpan.

* * *

**A/N: Oh dear. I _was_ planning on having less comedy in this chapter, but... Is it a darkfic _too_ now?**


	5. 1-4

1.4

I'm back at my cavernous office, sitting in a new luxurious armchair. Asuka is standing in front of my desk. I'm finger-tenting again.

"I really should look into getting some visitor chairs," I remark.

There's an audible smack as Hatchi and Asuka facepalm in complete synchronization. I smirk. "And with that, the ice is broken." I clap my hands. "Yumi! Yuki! Chairs!"

A pair of pale hands reaches out of an air vent nearby and deposits a small chair next to Asuka. Another pair deposits another next to Hatchi. Both pairs of hands disappear.

I gesture magnanimously. "Please, sit. Both of you."

I can _feel_ Hatchi rolling her eyes as she does so. "You did that on purpose," she accuses.

I smile. "But of course. Shall we get to the meat of the matter?"

Asuka nods. "Mama... How did you know? And... Who else is in there? And..." She trails off.

I exchange a glance with Hatchi._ How much should we tell her?_ my look asks. _Keep it in-universe,_ hers answers. Very well then.

"Rei Ayanami knew of the Souls in the EVAs," I say. "We are the Evangelion autopilot system based on her memories."

"Where our own souls come from, even _we_ don't know," Hatchi adds. "The Commander was the first one to achieve sentience."

"As an Autopilot," I take over, "we are privy to a lot of information about the inner functions of an Evangelion."

"Combine that with the knowledge of Rei Ayanami," says Hatchi, "And all was revealed."

"I know the names of all former scientists of GEHIRN," I declare. "But I didn't figure out it was Kyoko in 02 until I synchronized with her."

"Rei did know the identities of the Souls in the two NERV-T3 Evangelions," mentions Hatchi.

"Unit-01 has Yui Ikari," I say. "And Unit-00 _had_ half of Rei's Soul."

"The latter is not there anymore," clarifies my 2IC. "We did some Nephilim magic to pull her out and reunite her with the other half of her soul. Rei is whole again."

"And Yui, as far as we can tell, is content to remain in the Eva," I add. "Any other questions?"

Asuka sits back, looking impressed. "I like the twin talk thing," she remarks. "Remnants of an erroneous programming?"

I roll my eyes. "_That's_ what you take out of it?"

Asuka shakes her head. "No. I want... answers, and I don't know if you can give them to me."

I tilt my head. "We can always speculate, if we do not have cast-iron answers."

Asuka exhales loudly. "This is probably the best I can get..." she murmurs. Then she straightens her back. "Why does my Mama love me?"

I rear back. "I... beg your pardon?"

Asuka is staring me straight in the eye. "Mama abandoned me. _Why would she love me?_"

I swallow. "I... don't have all the details on that..."

"Don't deflect, Boss," says Hatchi. I shoot her a betrayed look, but she ignores it. "Kyoko commited suicide after her failed Contact Experiment that caused her to lose the part of her soul she could love her daughter with."

I cuff Hatchi to the back of the head. "_Tact,_ Hatchi," I hiss. I turn to Asuka. Oh god those are tears again. "We think," I explain gently, "that the part that loves you is the part that has been in Unit-02 ever since the Contact Experiment."

Asuka is sniffling. "So... Mama didn't abandon me? She... wanted to be with me forever?"

"A mother will do whatever is best for her children."

I palm my face. "Akemi, fuck off and go back to polishing Shinji's wand or something stupid like that. This is a _private_ meeting, damn it."

The Ree climbs out of the air vent, smiling serenely. She is wearing a simple little blue dress, round glasses, and a wide-brimmed hat for some reason.

...wait a fucking second. Is she cosplaying _Connie Maheswaran?_ Dammit, Akemi, your outlook is completely _not_ Connie, what the hell are you_ doing?_

Akemi waltzes over to Asuka and pulls the surprised girl into a hug. "Loneliness is fleeting. A love is forever."

The pilot looks towards me and mouths and incredulous what the fuck at us. I shrug. "Akemi, what are you _on_ about?"

The girl smiles dreamily. "United we stand, divided we fall."

I stare helplessly. "Are you... just spouting random phrases or?"

All I get is an enigmatic smile. God_dammit_ Akemi.

* * *

As Asuka and Akemi are bundled off into their new apartment right next to Misato's, I get to ask some questions I've been thinking about, from my Intel Specialist.

"So, Sakura. Got any ideas where those two defected Ree went off to?"

Sakura snorts. "Funny story, Boss. Turns out one of them is bumming off of the younger Ikari with Katsuragi. They seem to be getting along well."

I nod. "The one who said she just wanted to laze around? Color me unsurprised. What about the other one?"

Sakura rubs the back of her neck. "She seemed to disappear entirely, so we checked the camera logs."

I lean forward. "I sense a story there. What did you find?"

Sakura hums. "She snuck back into the tank later and cloned herself entirely, it seems. Then the pair of them just _left._ They don't seem to be anywhere on Japan soil anymore, either. I haven't the faintest where they might be."

I make an interested noise. "Fascinating. I suspect we'll be finding something out soon enough. Get Kei and Mei on it, will you?"

Sakura salutes. "Yes, Boss! Was there anything else?"

I shake my head. "Not from you, no. Mind getting me Rei? I wish to speak with her."

She nods. "Aye, Ma'am!" And vanishes into the nearest air vent.

Shortly after, Rei walks in from the door. I nod pleasantly at her. "Good afternoon, Rei. How have you been?"

"I am well, Commander," she replies. Is that a _smile_ I see on her face?

"Are you feeling better since reuniting with your broken soul?" I ask, searching for emotions on her face. Yes! She_ is_ smiling!

"I do not know how to classify "better"," she answers. "However, I find myself smiling more often."

I grin. "I'm glad to hear that, Rei. How is Shinji doing?"

"Ikari-kun has decided to retire from Piloting and prefers to simply stay with Katsuragi-san," she answers. "I believe that makes me the Pilot of Unit-01 now, yes?"

I nod. "On paper, yes. Do you _want_ to?"

Rei nods resolutely. "Yes. I will Pilot so that Ikari-kun never has to, again."

I tilt my head. "I see. Are you doing it because you feel like you _must_, because you want to live up to Yui Ikari, or because you _want_ to do it?"

Rei narrows her eyes. "I Pilot because I _want_ to. I do it for her. I do it for _him._" She stands abruptly. "I do it for _ME!_"

I applaud her. "Oh, _what conviction!_ You've convinced me. Welcome aboard, Pilot Ayanami!"

Rei smiles.

* * *

Unfortunately, it seems that any reprieve I get from the madness I have created is a short-lived one. Lee wanted me to know that she had invented an exploding lemon, and we consequently spent the next five minutes quoting Cave Johnson at each other.

I found out what Sora's quirk was - irony. I subsequently told her to stop quoting Dirk Strider and threw her out of my office. In related news, triangle shades are now an officer-only resource.

Maya Ibuki has broken out of the tank and cloned herself. I very pointedly did not ask why. I can figure that one out myself just about_ never._

The Ree in Misato's apartment is apparently named Siyon. Looks like we finally have namesakes for all the original Ree, and none of them actually_ act_ like their namesakes. _Fan_tastic.

Oh, and I finally met SEELE.

I simply wandered into the room with the green screen and sat down. That seemed to trigger a reaction. A signal of some sort was sent out. The room was bathed in darkness.

I sat back and waited. One by one, black SOUND ONLY monoliths winked into being.

"Gendo," rumbles 01, better known as Lorenz Keel. "For what purpose have you called this meeting - where even_ is_ he?" He sounds confused.

I lean forward in the classic finger-tenting pose. "Commander Ikari is not here right now," I say softly.

There is a pause. "Did Ikari just give us free reign over his pet First Child?" asks 06 incredulously.

"Perhaps," says 01. "Where is your Commander, miss Ayanami?"

I allow myself a smirk behind my hands. "Oh, Committee... I _do_ apologize for the deception. But Gendo Ikari is neither here nor my commander. He's rather busy with an important task."

"And what task is_ that?_" barks 02.

I unfold my hands, allowing them all to see my malevolent grin. "Gendo Ikari is busy imitating an inverted hedgehog. Or perhaps a net. A bullet cushion, if you will." I spread my hands. "Decomposition is a rather important task, is it not?"

It's a damn shame I can't see their faces. I'm sure it would be a sight to behold.

"We'll send you a new Commander," says 01. "Who did it? Which one of his enemies got him?"

I scowl. "I don't think I made it quite clear, Gentlemen. Gendo's _dead_. And_ I'm_ in charge now."

A pause. And the entire Council erupts in laughter. I raise an eyebrow.

"You have a great imagination," chortles 04. "Leave it to us, kid. We'll send a man."

"You don't believe me," I remark. "Your mistake, really." I tent my fingers again. "Send your man. He'll meet the same fate as Gendo did."

The chortles turn cold. "You have no idea what game you're playing, or who you're playing with, miss Ayanami," says Keel. "Your new Commander arrives tomorrow."

The monoliths all disappear. I lean back. "Innnnnteresting," I drawl to the empty room.

* * *

SEELE's man, true to their word, arrives the next day. I must give him credit, he _does_ try to be sneaky and not just waltz in the front door like he owns the place. Unfortunately, the poor fool instead decides to sneak in through the_ air ducts._

It's Cho who finally drops him off to my office. "_Heee~ey_, Commander!" She's the closest in personality to a true Ree, and it shows. "I found this nice spy_yy~_ and thought you'd want to see him~!"

I knead my forehead. "Good grief. How'd you figure he was a spy?"

Cho rolls her eyes, dangling the poor man on one hand. "Why else would a human be in the Reeways, Commander? _Duh."_

I sigh. "True enough. Who found him first? He's not_ nearly_ scratched enough to be your find."

The Ree giggles. "Zyuu did. And_ I_ found Zyuu!"

I tsk. "Then get me Zyuu. And the _rest_ of Section Eight." I finally turn to the frazzled shape. "So! Who might _you_ be?"

The man doesn't answer, instead mumbling incoherently. I roll my eyes. "Cho was right," I remark. "The NERV-local humans know _not_ to trespass in the air vents. What _else_ could you be other than a spy?"

He starts. "What the Hell was that?" That's an American accent. Interesting.

"A natural consequence of trespassing in the Reeways," I answer blandly.

His eyes snap on me. "My God!"

"Speaking," I snark.

He's breathing erratically. "Who the _Hell_ are you?"

I tent my fingers, glaring at the man. Behind him, Section Eight quietly flows into the room. "_I_ am Ichi Ayanami. Commander of NERV. Yet, _you_ still haven't told me who _you_ are."

The frazzled entity who could loosely be described as a man makes a desperate attempt to straighten his tie. "I'm Eric Langley, and what the hell do you mean _you're_ the Commander? I was under the impression that I was here to replace _Gendo Ikari!_"

I smirk. "The Old Men have misinformed you, Mr. Langley. Gendo has _already_ been replaced, by _myself._ I even_ told_ them as much."

"...Lang~ley," drawls Hana, taking enjoyment in the way the man jumps. "Ever held the name Sohryu by any chance?"

Oh, _good catch_, Hana. I didn't even realize. "I knew that name sounded familiar," I remark.

The man scowls. "Yes, one of the pilots is my useless daughter. So _what?_ It's not going to affect my ability to command."

I raise my eyebrow. "Parent of the Year right there," I remark. "Might even qualify for the Gendo Ikari Memorial Parenting Award. Don't you love your daughter?"

Langley scoffs. "_Love?_ That worthless girl? _Please._ Why would I want to do _that?"_

I stare at the man. "Riiiiiight. Excuse me for a moment."

I vanish into an air vent right next to my chair, and scuttle out of earshot of the office. Then I call Asuka.

She picks up in just a moment. _"Ja? Who is this?"_

I lean back, incidentally letting Haru past. "Hello, Asuka. It's your commanding officer. Tell me, do you know anyone named Eric Langley?"

A pause. And then she snarls. _"What about **him?**"_

_Whoof._ Hostile response. I smile to myself. "He's in my office, declaring his intent to take over. I was just wondering if you had any particular... _attachments_ for him?"

Another pause. A deep breath. _"Fuck that guy."_

I chuckle. "Glad to hear that, Asuka. I'll be seeing you for the harmonics test tomorrow. Until then!"

I hang up and return to my office. "Bad news," I declare to Langley. "I spoke to your daughter. She has no particular attachment to you. Any last words?"

His eyes widen as I draw my new shining black revolver. "What are you-"

_BANG._

* * *

**A/N: Welp. Ichi's a sociopath now. Hey, is that the second chapter in a row where Ichi just randomly blows someone's head off or? Hm. I probably should have seen that earlier...**


	6. 1-5

1.5

I'm examining the Embryo of Adam.

It lays there, embedded in translucent bakelite, as cold and motionless as the day it arrived.

"What do I do with you?" I murmur. "Do I even _need_ you? Will you be our destruction? Our salvation? Or something _else_ entirely?"

I close the transport case and store it away. "Gateway to Human Instrumentality," I whisper. "Tempting. So _very_ tempting. Something with which I could become a god, at my fingertips..."

I shake my head. "No. Not yet. I still need a Vessel. Yes... A _Vessel_..."

I sigh. "SEELE won't be happy about this. But this might be a Chance." I activate my backdoor to the MAGI.

"Backdoor code Judas," I say. "Set background process Sierra Golf One Niner. Activate."

Deep within Central Dogma, at the MAGI Central Processing Unit, a subprocess is executed. A sweep of the Pribnow Box area highlights a specific point of minuscule corruption. I smile. "Capture."

A powerful laser carves out the section of the wall, dropping it into a nearby-placed container. Another subroutine initiates a scanning process of the rest of the facility.

I forward the captured Ireul to the Project E laboratories. Good. He may play a part for us yet.

Another subprocess activates, as it was set to do on the condition that Ireul was out of the way. It is surreptitiously probing into MAGI networks all over the world, searching for a _very_ specific type of information.

I suspect it will be a while before it gets me anything. I have other things to do.

I visit Terminal Dogma. The tank is fuller than before, as Reeproduction is at an all-time high. Backups are paramount, especially given the current... circumstances.

A separate tank is set aside. It contains the decomposing corpses of most of the captured NERV personnel.

The only humans left in NERV are Misato, Asuka, Maya, and Shinji. We still haven't found Maya, by the way. She's given us the slip.

We have downloaded the minds of all our captives and distributed them around the more active Ree. A scant few have their own bodies now, too. Some of the Ree have annoyed voices in their heads now, but it's a small price to pay for making sure that the humans won't cause trouble. It was a tactical decision, in anticipation of the already oncoming troubles from SEELE. Naoko and Yui, with pointers from Ritsuko (who_ has_ her own body), are working overtime on improving our S2 Organs, to prevent any future overloads.

The Ree are preparing for war.

* * *

Despite the horrors we were causing in preparation for an attack by SEELE, I did decide to contact them myself. You know, just in case.

I enter the green screen room and called a meeting. They are... surprisingly prompt to arrive.

"What did you do with Langley, kid?"

05 goes right to the point. Neat. I adjust my shades, now triangular to fuck with Sora. "I _did_ warn you," I point out. "I warned you that he'd meet the same fate as Gendo, and he did. At least this time it was by my_ own_ hand."

"You're _insane_," says Keel. "Insane, and _clearly_ not fit to defend the Earth against the Angels."

"I _am_ fit," I say. "Fit to fiddle as your Scenario burns, and mine rises like phoenix from the asses."

That should flummox them for a while as they figure out if I'm being serious or not. And I got what I wanted. The lines go dead as I leave.

* * *

I knock on the door of Misato's apartment, one of the few habitated places left in the city. The UN cut our funding, you see. The Ree manage, but the humans trickle out. A few stubborn ones remain. Misato's one of the few.

"Come in," calls a soft voice. I enter. The place is surprisingly clean, despite the one and a half Misatos living in there. I mentally pat Shinji on the back.

Shinji himself emerges from the kitchen, apron tied around his waist. His eyes widen. "You?"

"Me," I deadpan. "How have you been, Ikari-kun?"

He shuffles awkwardly. "Is... Is it wrong to say that I'm doing fine?"

I shake my head. "Of _course_ not! In fact, I'm _glad_ you're doing okay. Where's Katsuragi-san?"

"Misato went for a walk," Shinji says. "I think she's getting restless. She liked working at NERV, you know," he adds accusingly.

I cough. "That's... kind of related to why I'm here, actually. But I'll wait until she gets back. May I sit?"

He nods hesitantly. I situate myself at the kitchen table. "So," I ask, "How's living with Siyon?"

"I-it's kind of nice," he answers, "She mostly draws things. T-they look kind of cool, even though I don't always know what they are..."

"Ah, artistry," I say. "I haven't had time to draw anything in _ages_. I'm sure she loves it. Where's she, by the way?"

"In her room," Shinji says. "Hang on. SIYON!" he yells suddenly. "GUESTS!"

A faint "yeah, yeah," can be heard from the depths of the apartment. And then the lady herself emerges.

She has a permanent bedhead, she's in pajamas, she has a pencil tucked behind her ear, and she has a sketchpad under her arm.

Yep. That's an artist, all right. I smirk. "I see you've made yourself comfortable, Siyon."

She looks at me blearily. "I'm not helping with your world domination plans, Ichi. Find somebody else."

I snort. "Nah, I'm not asking for that. I'm just visiting your landlord."

Siyon rolls her eyes. "_She's_ not helping you with world domination either."

I glare. "I'm not _asking_ for that."

Just then, the door goes. "I'm home!"

"Welcome home!" Shinji and Siyon chorus. I smile faintly. Looks like they're happy. Shame I'll have to disrupt that happiness.

"The city gets emptier and emptier every time I go out," says Misato as she moves further into the apartment. "I- oh." She has noticed me. "_You._"

"Me," I acknowledge her. "Please, sit. I have things to discuss with you."

She looks hostile, but does as she's told. "When were you planning on releasing your prisoners, _Commander_?"

I slip into a more comfortable position and tent my fingers. "I don't have any prisoners."

Misato barks a humourless laugh. "Then what do you call the tank full of people down there?"

A tiny quirk of my lips. "Spare Ree."

She stands, slamming her hands on the table. "Goddammit, you smug bitch, you know exactly what I mean! What did you do with the prisoners you took? And stop imitating Gendo!"

I pull out my pointy orange shades, put them on, and resume finger-tenting. "But it's such a comfy position~!"

Misato slaps me. My shades go flying. She stands over me, snarling. "Stop deflecting! What did you do with Rits! Or Maya! Or everyone else!"

Shinji stands behind her, looking horrified. Siyon looks horrified too, but for a completely _different_ reason. She _knows_ me.

I touch my cheek. "You... _hit_ me?"

Misato is growling. "You're damn right I did! Start talking!"

My expression clouds. "You shouldn't have done that, Katsuragi." My voice is soft.

She inhales, but is interrupted. Siyon grabs the woman and starts to drag her away from me. "Misato, _don't!_"

Misato sounds confused. "What? Why?"

I exhale with a rattling breath. I'm showing teeth.

"I have some of her qualities," Siyon explains rapidly. "I know how she thinks! She's _dangerous!"_

"Sociopathic," I correct her. I've drawn my gun. "And most likely corrupted by power."

Siyon has positioned herself between Misato and Shinji, and me. I grin lazily. "Come now. What are you expecting will happen?" My gun is pointed at her. Both humans' eyes are wide.

"I expect," she snarls as her AT-field manifests, "that bullets still won't do shit against an AT-field."

I tsk. "And to think," I muse, "that I came here to talk about getting you out of the oncoming war between myself and SEELE. Instead, it seems that you'll get caught in the crossfire..."

Siyon stares helplessly. "Did you just take over to be Gendo 2.0 or something? This isn't how it's supposed to be! You've let them _go!_ You showed them kindness! What happened to that?"

"She hit me," I offered glibly. "To just sit there and take it would have been a weakness."

Siyon shakes her head in denial. "No. That's too far. Too_ fast._ Corruption doesn't_ happen_ that fast! Besides, she had a _reason_ to hit you!"

I tilt my head. My gun is still pointed at them. "And what reason is _that?_"

The enemy Ree rolls her eyes. "Punching a Gendo-lookalike to the face. _Duh._"

I tsk, lowering the gun. "You make a compelling argument."

Siyon drops her AT-field. "So..."

My arm snaps up in lightning speed and I shoot Misato in the stomach. "There is precisely one way to save your life now," I remark. "I was going to offer you freedom. Now, consider yourself drafted."

Maybe Siyon is right. I am getting _too_ used to using violence to get what I want.

Oh well.

* * *

Once Misato has safely been squirreled away into the Tank, with the Ree-download process activating, Hatchi confronts me.

"Ichi. What the _Hell._ What the Hell do you think you're_ doing._"

I examine my shades. A crack runs through them, but that actually looks quite fetching like that. "What do you mean, Hatchi?"

The Ree snarls. "You know _exactly_ what I mean. We got rid of Gendo, remember? That was supposed to make things _better!_ Instead, you angle yourself as some sort of... Gendo _2.0!_"

I tilt my head. "That _was_ always the plan, you know. Taking the power Gendo had and making it my own. Hell, what was the whole Reeplacement plan if not for taking over the roles we desired for ourselves?"

Hatchi exhales. "I hope you know what you're doing, Ichi," she says. "Because right now it looks like we're heading straight to Hell."

I shrug. "What better way to conquer Hell than from the inside?" I generate a small AT-field, watching its light play over my hand. "A devil is nothing more than an Angel fallen from grace, and what are we but not Angels ourselves?"

Hatchi takes a step back. "You're not sounding very sane," she says quietly. "I... don't think you're fit to lead us anymore."

I replace my shades on my face. "Is that _purely_ your opinion, Hatchi? Or has Fuyutsuki's ghost been _whispering_ in your ear again?"

She crosses her arms. "It's _my_ opinion, Ichi. I don't want to have to force you to leave."

I tent my fingers. "I suggest you rethink this confrontation."

Hatchi takes a step forward. "And why should I do that?"

The Angel Alarm goes off. The cool voice of MAGI announces from over the PA, **"Blue Pattern Detected. Angel confirmed. Designation: Israfel. Blue Pattern approaching from the south."**

I smirk. "Perhaps wait until _after_ the Angel Attack?"

Hatchi narrows her eyes. "This _isn't_ over," she warns. She stalks into the nearest air vent.

I smile. "You bet it's not over," I say to myself. I walk over to the safe and open it. ADAM is still there, in the transport case. Good. I'm gonna need this.

As I close the case and store it on my person, I take another look at the information finally provided to me by Subroutine SG1.

It was primed right after I captured Ireul for the science girls. The trigger it needed was me using the specific code phrase during the SEELE meeting, and its purpose was to sniff out Project MP-EVA. Specifically, the 08 model, because not even I can resist a good Vriska reference.

It pinged an unnoticeable worm through SEELE connections, looking for clues, and it has finally come through. MP-08 is being constructed near the Magadan Oblast, in Russia. Looks like I have to dress for winter.

And now, it's time for me to skeedaddle from the narration. But when I return... Heh he heh. When I _return_, I will do so as a_** god.**_

Au revoir, NERV.

It was fun ruling you.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I added the Drama tag. Now, this isn't the end of the fic, despite the finality of the chapter!**

**It's just the end of Act 1. Okay? Okay. Good.**


End file.
